What could change if you simply asked?
Read on kevferrell.com
Welcome to REWIRE | REBOOT, a weekly newsletter where I share reflections from my ongoing personal growth journey and provide tested ideas, frameworks, tools and practices to help you create the life you want.
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In this issue:
- Rewire - Don’t Decide for Them
- One Action - Ask the Question
- Reboot - What Do You Want Your Body to Do?
Rewire - Idea I'm Exploring
Don’t Decide for Them
A lot of the time, we don’t get what we want for a simple reason:
We never ask.
We tell ourselves we already know the answer. We imagine the rejection, inconvenience or awkwardness. We decide the other person will say no, so we save them the trouble and reject ourselves first.
Sometimes we go even further. We blame or resent someone for not giving us what we wanted, even though we never clearly told them what that was.
Earlier this week, I was reminded of what can happen when someone is willing to ask.
My son, Tyler and I had arrived in Nashville for a National Championship baseball tournament. We couldn’t check into our hotel for several hours, so we went for a walk around the Vanderbilt campus with Tyler’s friend, Will and Will’s mom (and my friend), Annie.
The boys really wanted to step foot on Vanderbilt’s baseball field, but it isn’t open to the public and getting a private tour is nearly impossible.
Then Annie noticed an open door leading into the baseball training facility.
We stepped inside to see if there was someone we could ask.
We immediately drew a lot of looks. We were very obviously out of place.
Tyler quickly started heading in the other direction, ready to leave before someone asked us to.
Annie did the opposite.
She approached a group of freshmen walking by and politely explained that we were visiting from Canada for a baseball tournament. She asked if they knew anyone who might be willing to give us a quick look at the field.
They went to find someone. I assumed we would never see them again.
While they were gone, Annie asked another gentleman who had just finished a workout and was standing near the refuelling station. He happened to run the volleyball program. He also said he would go see what he could do.
A few minutes later, the freshmen returned with a gentle no, the answer we had expected from the beginning.
Then our volleyball friend came back.
“I’ll just do it. Let’s go.”
He led us onto the field.
We took pictures and videos, the boys touched the bases and absorbed every moment. For two young baseball players, it was a dream come true. One that wouldn't have happened if Annie hadn’t been willing to ask.
Someone simply asked, respectfully, and another person decided he was willing to help.
That doesn’t mean pushing after someone has said no. It doesn’t mean acting as though you are entitled to a particular answer.
An ask and a demand are different things.
A demand assumes you are owed something. An ask leaves room for the other person to choose.
The way you ask matters too. A calm, friendly and respectful request makes most people more willing to help. I know that’s true for me. When someone approaches me that way, I am more likely willing to accommodate them even when it creates an inconvenience.
When the same request arrives as an accusation, entitlement or demand, my default response can be very different.
Maybe there is something you need from your partner, family or boss.
Maybe you want an opportunity, clearer expectations or for something to be done differently.
The other person may not be unwilling. They may simply have no idea what you want.
Ask clearly. Ask respectfully. Then be willing to accept the answer.
If you don’t ask, it is already a no.
If you do, you might receive the answer you were hoping for.
One Action
Ask the Question
What is one thing you want or need but have been too afraid to ask for?
Go make the ask calmly and respectfully, without deciding the answer in advance.
Accept the response.
It may be no.
But it might be the yes you were hoping for.
Reboot - Health & Longevity
What Do You Want Your Body to Do?
When it comes to your health, the question you need to ask is directed inward.
What do you want your body to be capable of?
Not only today, but 10, 20 or 30 years from now.
Do you want to keep playing a sport? Carry your luggage up a flight of stairs? Get off the floor easily? Travel, hike or play with your grandchildren?
Dr. Peter Attia calls his version of this the “Centenarian Decathlon”: identify the physical abilities you want to retain later in life, then train for them now.
Once you know what you want, at a minimum, you need to build around three basics.
Cardiovascular exercise
Public health guidelines recommend aiming for at least 150 minutes of moderate activity or 75 minutes of vigorous activity each week, or some combination of the two.
When time is tight, I often use shorter, more intense intervals after warming up.
For example, Tabata-style intervals: 20 seconds full out followed by 10 seconds of active rest repeated for 8 cycles.
Or 1 minute of sustained high intensity followed by 30 seconds to 1 minute of lower intensity for cycles of 4.
That’s just 4-8 minutes of work that is easy to fit into any schedule.
Shorter, more intense sessions can be highly effective, but intensity should complement sustained aerobic work rather than automatically replace it.
Strength training
At minimum, resistance train at least twice per week.
A recent study highlighted by Dr. Rhonda Patrick followed nearly 150,000 adults for as long as 30 years. Resistance training was associated with lower all-cause mortality, with the greatest overall benefits generally seen among people who combined strength training with aerobic exercise.
You also don’t need to live in the gym. Two focused 30-minute full-body sessions per week can produce meaningful gains when the exercises are challenging and performed consistently.
Mobility
Make time to move your joints through a healthy range of motion and work on balance and stability.
This doesn’t require another lengthy workout. A few deliberate minutes most days can help keep your back, hips, shoulders, knees and ankles functional.
I add a 5-10 minute mobility routine before strength training or after cardio. It has made a noticeable difference in how I move and train.
Cardio trains your heart and lungs. Resistance training preserves muscle, bone, strength and power. Mobility helps you continue using both.
Age-related decline is unavoidable. But we can influence how quickly it happens and how much physical reserve we carry into later life.
Decide what you want your body to be capable of. Then give it the training it will need to get there.
Stay strong.
Inspirational Quote
“There are more things likely to frighten us than there are to crush us; we suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”
— Seneca
Before accepting an imagined no, ask the question and let reality answer.
Readers Corner
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Until next week,
Kevin
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