You Can See Their Potential. They Have to Choose the Path.
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Welcome to REWIRE | REBOOT, a weekly newsletter where I share reflections from my ongoing personal growth journey and provide tested ideas, frameworks, tools and practices to help you create the life you want.
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In this issue:
- Rewire - It’s Not Up to You
- One Action - Support the Next Step
- Reboot - My Immune Support Protocol
- Toolkit - Brain.fm
Rewire - Idea I'm Exploring
It’s Not Up to You
“I’m done.”
That was my son Tyler’s answer when I tried to convince him to give hockey a little more time.
He recently decided to stop playing and focus on baseball. Playing both sports at a high level, while also trying to do well in school, had become too much.
This had been developing for a while, but I still hoped he would see the hockey season through. I suggested a few more weeks, until baseball slowed down and he had a chance to settle in.
He wasn’t interested.
Last week, I wrote about when it’s okay to quit. About recognizing when continuing is no longer worth what it costs and giving yourself permission to change course.
It can be harder to accept that decision when someone else is making it and you wish they would keep going.
I had several reasons for wanting Tyler to keep playing. He often takes a little time to get back into the groove when transitioning between sports. I wondered whether this was another difficult adjustment that would pass.
I worried he would regret leaving, particularly with the possibility still existing of being drafted into the Ontario Hockey League.
There was also his commitment to his coach and teammates, who were counting on him. And we had already paid the non-refundable fees for the season.
But there was another reason I had to acknowledge: I really enjoy watching him play hockey.
Some of my disappointment was about something I wasn’t ready to give up.
Honouring commitments is important. So is learning to push through difficult stretches. Those were concerns I talked through with him.
But he was trying to make room for something he wanted more. And I could already see that taking shape.
Between his summer baseball season and the start of fall ball with his new team, he was out getting his throwing and hitting reps in, doing speed work and training on his own every day. He was consistently putting in the extra work.
He had also written a letter to his future self, describing his goals and dreams for baseball.
The desire was coming from him.
I have always believed that playing more than one sport was good for his overall athleticism and that the change of pace helped keep both fresh.
But Tyler was the one trying to fit the practices, games and training of two year-round sports programs around his schoolwork. I had to give weight to what he was telling me about that.
Recognizing what he could handle and having the courage to tell me was also a sign of maturity. I want him to trust his own judgement, even when it leads to a decision I wouldn’t have made.
Continuing to push him to keep playing hockey would have meant ongoing friction. It wouldn’t have made him enjoy hockey more or give more of himself on the ice.
His team deserved commitment, but I couldn’t create that commitment by repeatedly reminding him of it.
There comes a point when you have explained your concerns, discussed the consequences and offered your perspective. If you keep revisiting the conversation because you haven’t received the answer you wanted, you have to ask what you’re still trying to accomplish.
You can see someone’s potential. You can help them see it too. But you can’t make them want to pursue it.
This applies well beyond parenting.
A colleague might have everything it takes to move into a bigger role. You can see the opportunity and believe it’s right for them. Perhaps you’ve even been helping prepare them for it. So you struggle to understand why they aren’t interested.
But the responsibility, hours or kind of work that come with it may not fit the life they want.
Not everyone has the same goals or aspirations, or the same definition of success. Being good at something doesn’t oblige us to take it as far as possible.
We have limited time and energy. Choosing where to put them means accepting that some opportunities will remain unexplored.
It's up to them. It’s not up to you.
For Tyler, that choice is baseball. The desire and the work have to come from him. My job as a parent is to put my full support behind him as he pursues the goals he has chosen, and to let go of the urge to keep bringing up what might have happened in hockey.
I’ll miss watching him play hockey. I can feel that disappointment and still be fully behind his decision.
The feeling is mine. The decision is his.
One Action
Support the Next Step
Think of one decision you keep revisiting with someone because you wish they had chosen differently.
If it is theirs to make and you have already discussed your concerns, change the conversation.
Ask, “What would be helpful from me now?”
Then choose one practical way to support their next step.
Let me know how it goes. Just reply to this email.
Reboot - Health & Longevity
My Immune Support Protocol
I’ve noticed quite a few people around me coming down with colds and other respiratory bugs lately. It prompted me to share some of the supplements I take that specifically support immune function.
I believe this routine plays a significant role in keeping me healthy and cold-free, but I also can’t separate its effects from everything else I do to look after my health.
Quality sleep, good nutrition and regular exercise come first—the top three of my 6 domains of health and longevity. Supplements are an additional layer in the routine.
I'm not a doctor. This is just what I do and what works for me.
My Daily Protocol:
Morning:
- 5 g of L-glutamine
- 1,000 mg of vitamin C
- 2,000 IU of vitamin D
- 145 mg of elemental magnesium from L-threonate (Magtein)
Evening:
- 5 g of L-glutamine
- 1,000 mg of vitamin C
- 2,000 IU of vitamin D
- 250 mg of elemental magnesium (145 mg from L-threonate and 105 mg from bisglycinate)
- 12–25 mg of zinc, usually as zinc citrate, depending on the formula I’m using
Optional level-up:
- My optional “premium plan”: 1 g each of lion’s mane and turkey tail, using organic mushroom mycelium from Host Defense.
Turbo Boost:
When I feel rundown and like I might be catching something, I double up the L-glutamine and mega dose the vitamin C up to as much as 12 g per day. I also make a point of getting extra rest.
Why these supplements?
L-glutamine — An amino acid that provides fuel for cells in the gut and immune system.
Vitamin C — Supports immune-cell function and helps protect cells from oxidative stress.
Vitamin D — Helps regulate immune responses. A significant portion of the population is deficient in this vitamin, something that can be determined through a blood test.
Magnesium L-threonate (Magtein) — Magnesium contributes to normal immune, nerve and muscle function. I choose this form partly for its potential cognitive benefits as it most easily crosses the blood-brain barrier.
Magnesium bisglycinate — I include this form in my evening routine because of its impact on relaxation and potential sleep benefits.
Zinc — Essential for the development and function of immune cells.
Lion’s mane — Studied mainly for cognitive and mood benefits, which are the primary reasons I take it. It also contains many constituents that support natural immunity.
Turkey tail — Contains compounds studied for their effects on immune activity.
Since I started taking these mushroom supplements daily several years ago, I haven’t experienced any cold symptoms.
Toolkit - Something I’m Using
Brain.fm
I usually prefer silence when I’m writing. Last week, rodents scratching around in the attic above my office had other plans.
Even with my noise-cancelling AirPods in, I could still hear them. So I finally tried Brain.fm, an app that offers music designed for focus.
I’d heard about it for years but never felt much need to try it. It helped me focus and I’ve continued using it.
This isn’t sponsored and I have no financial incentive to recommend it. I just like recommending products I have tested personally and found useful.
Through this referral link, Brain.fm currently offers a 30-day free trial.
Inspirational Quote
“Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.”
– Henry David Thoreau, Walden, “Conclusion”.
Ask Me Anything
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Until next week,
Kevin
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